Those times, Jesus immediately healed everybody whom I prayed for in His name.  10-30 people got saved everyday.  God performed lots of other miracles everyday.  Through Early Morning Prayer, there was a huge revival of the churches in 5 states of Northwest .  I spoke in churches.  Those times, people called me an apostle, a minister, a reverent, an evangelist and a PROPHETESS.

But many other Christians discouraged me constantly also.  I gave up preaching the Gospel altogether. I became very angry against Christians because they should have helped me to preach the Gospel instead of persecuting me.  Or at least they should have left me alone.  The more I grieved for the lost souls, the angrier I became.

The anger made me an invalid Christian.  I was not able to get along with anyone.  I was not able to read the Bible and pray.  I was not able to sing praises at churches.  I was not able to preach the Gospel.  I lost myself completely and became totally opposite being than I was.  Everything about me is broken in pieces.  Broken mentally, physically, and spiritually.

I tried to recover from all loss.  I tried to read the Bible, pray, repent, forgive, think positive, and preach the Gospel.  But it has been impossible so far.  And I am still trying, and trying, for a long time and I wonder when I will become a good Christian again.  Maybe someday, God will restore me much better than I ever was.

Or, come to think of, who can ever say, “I am good enough because I do this and I do that”  The Bible says, “No one is righteous, no not one,” and “Our righteousness is nothing but a filthy rag,” and “Be perfect as heavenly Father is perfect,” and “Love your enemies,” etc.  So, no matter how much I recover from all my loss, and even if God restores me a million times better, I yet will forever be RECOVERING PROPHETESS.

Jesus loves you.  7-22-2011  F