I once was a very committed Christian who lived the strict life similar to the prophets in the Bible. I finished reading the whole Bible once every month. I taught the Bible at a Church at 4:30 am every morning. I prayed in tongues all day long. I preached the Gospel on the streets of Downtown Seattle everyday for about 7 years. I slept only 3 hours a day.
Those times, Jesus immediately healed everybody whom I prayed for in His name. 10-30 people got saved everyday. God performed lots of other miracles everyday. Through Early Morning Prayer, there was a huge revival of the churches in 5 states of Northwest . I spoke in churches. Those times, people called me an apostle, a minister, a reverent, an evangelist and a PROPHETESS.
But many other Christians discouraged me constantly also. I gave up preaching the Gospel altogether. I became very angry against Christians because they should have helped me to preach the Gospel instead of persecuting me. Or at least they should have left me alone. The more I grieved for the lost souls, the angrier I became.
The anger made me an invalid Christian. I was not able to get along with anyone. I was not able to read the Bible and pray. I was not able to sing praises at churches. I was not able to preach the Gospel. I lost myself completely and became totally opposite being than I was. Everything about me is broken in pieces. Broken mentally, physically, and spiritually.
I tried to recover from all loss. I tried to read the Bible, pray, repent, forgive, think positive, and preach the Gospel. But it has been impossible so far. And I am still trying, and trying, for a long time and I wonder when I will become a good Christian again. Maybe someday, God will restore me much better than I ever was.
Or, come to think of, who can ever say, “I am good enough because I do this and I do that” The Bible says, “No one is righteous, no not one,” and “Our righteousness is nothing but a filthy rag,” and “Be perfect as heavenly Father is perfect,” and “Love your enemies,” etc. So, no matter how much I recover from all my loss, and even if God restores me a million times better, I yet will forever be RECOVERING PROPHETESS.
Jesus loves you. 7-22-2011 F
I remembered Prophet Elijah when I read your post. Prophet Elijah too was completely exhausted. To him, his life and his calling were meaningless at that time. Why did his own people like Jezebel want to kill him? Why didn’t Heaven or earth swallow him? Why did God provide him more food? to send him to those who wanted his life? Why didn’t the people listen to him? Did they know he was sent by the sovereign God? So in such a situation we can ask ourselves; what would the prophets do? May be you still have an equivalent of a 40 days journey to walk. 1Kings 19: 1-21.
To Adams
Thanks for your encouraging words. Jesus loves you.