I once was a very committed Christian who lived the strict life similar to the prophets in the Bible. I finished reading the whole Bible once every month. I taught the Bible at a Church at 4:30 am every morning. I prayed in tongues all day long. I preached the Gospel on the streets of Downtown Seattle everyday for about 7 years. I slept only 3 hours a day.
Those times, Jesus immediately healed everybody whom I prayed for in His name. 10-30 people got saved everyday. God performed lots of other miracles everyday. Through Early Morning Prayer, there was a huge revival of the churches in 5 states of Northwest . I spoke in churches. Those times, people called me an apostle, a minister, a reverent, an evangelist and a PROPHETESS.
But many other Christians discouraged me constantly also. I gave up preaching the Gospel altogether. I became very angry against Christians because they should have helped me to preach the Gospel instead of persecuting me. Or at least they should have left me alone. The more I grieved for the lost souls, the angrier I became.
The anger made me an invalid Christian. I was not able to get along with anyone. I was not able to read the Bible and pray. I was not able to sing praises at churches. I was not able to preach the Gospel. I lost myself completely and became totally opposite being than I was. Everything about me is broken in pieces. Broken mentally, physically, and spiritually.
I tried to recover from all loss. I tried to read the Bible, pray, repent, forgive, think positive, and preach the Gospel. But it has been impossible so far. And I am still trying, and trying, for a long time and I wonder when I will become a good Christian again. Maybe someday, God will restore me much better than I ever was.
Or, come to think of, who can ever say, “I am good enough because I do this and I do that” The Bible says, “No one is righteous, no not one,” and “Our righteousness is nothing but a filthy rag,” and “Be perfect as heavenly Father is perfect,” and “Love your enemies,” etc. So, no matter how much I recover from all my loss, and even if God restores me a million times better, I yet will forever be RECOVERING PROPHETESS.
Jesus loves you. 7-22-2011 F
